I am learning the antidote to so many issues of the heart is gratitude
It is a typical tradition for me to review my life and year each time November comes around and brings the holiday of Thanksgiving with it. As the days grow shorter and darker, it is a natural time to embark on a journey of reflection, a bit of introspection and assessment of my life path. I am so thankful for this.
This year’s journey has lengthened my stride and enlarged something inside of me. It has brought me to an awareness that the one whom I know as my God has been revealed to me in brand new ways as I have invited this amazing presence into my vulnerable spaces. My life history with this God has grown to include new experiences which have changed me for the better in ways I could never have done for myself alone. I am beyond grateful.
As I have come to places of decision making I have needed wisdom. I have needed to be set free from fear of failure, of thinking too small with a residual poverty mindset and for a new trust in the One I have come to know as a loving, personal Father, even though He also has a beautiful and tender mother heart.
The most recent decision for me has been to search for, research and purchase a new, previously- owned vehicle. My wonderful Subaru Forester friend of fifteen-years-old was still going strong but speaking to me of aches and pains that come with 158,000 miles. Although she still had much life left in her, I knew we were due for an upgrade. This was bittersweet, exciting, scary and wonderful.
As I prayed into this, I looked into several different dealerships and online options. I took time to interview various reps of these used car businesses as well as actually considering new and leased vehicles. Time after time my heart would lead me back to low mileage 2018-2019 Subaru Foresters or Crosstreks. This process was very symbolic for me as I took stock of my life and where I wanted to be in the next 5 or 6 years, the time it would take to pay for this next car.
My red Subaru Forester represented a maturing time in my life where the Subaru motto “confidence in motion” came to also describe how I was learning to live and move in my various spheres of influence as a woman, well-loved daughter, wife, mother, Birthing Center Nurse, writer and prophetess. I learned that “Subaru” is a Japanese word for “Pleiades” a beautiful open-star cluster in the night sky. I was destined for the heavens as I journeyed here on earth. I was comfortable in my own skin and supremely grateful.
For years, I had driven my standard “stick shift” friend, named “Scarlet” through stormy nights to help deliver babies, through many miles to help lay my father to rest, to be with friends in need, to rejoice with and be present with people I love. I was so grateful for it all and for my red friend.
This particular journey ultimately led me to a local Subaru dealership that I always felt was above me. It seemed like I had arrived at the right destination yet I was thinking too small. As I surrendered this mindset to my Papa God, He removed it and settled my heart. All the details began to fall into place. I test drove several vehicles and a blue Forester was standing out to me. Just four years old and low in mileage, this car offered comfort, safety, efficiency and beauty to me. Something inside was stretching, enlarging, seeing myself as new and accepting this possibility. I felt empowered, prepared and equipped to make this decision. I realized I was ready. I realized I was thankful.
My search had begun at the end of September and continued through October. As I had prayed, researched, dreamed about several cars and got pre-qualified financially at my credit union, I heard in my heart ” it would be good in October but so much better in November.” He was guiding me. I chose to wait until November. I was so very grateful.
The morning of November 9, Scarlet and I made our final drive. We arrived at Van Bortel Subaru and I was teary. Silly as it may seem to some, I expressed gratitude to Scarlet for all her years of service to me and released her to bless someone else. I shared my heart with the lady behind the desk at the showroom. She was kind and suggested I take a picture with my red car next to my blue car. That was very comforting. I sincerely thanked her.
I had been working with a wonderful salesperson “Ben” who was patient, empowering and helpful. I also met Kitty Van Bortel, a very kind business woman par excellence. She is founder and president of Van Bortel Subaru and had actually ridden in Scarlet when my red friend was being assessed for trade-in value. Kitty understood my bittersweet soul. She seconded the plan to take a picture with both vehicles next to her, myself and Ben. Little did I know she planned to post it on the Van Bortel site page, along with a wonderful sentiment. She had no idea I am a writer and poet when she penned beneath our photo:” from Subaru to Subaru, from red to blue, may every adventure be wonderful for you! Safe travels.” She added “After 15 years of love with a beloved Subaru Forester, it was time for a fresh one.”
This was no coincidence! My God knew just what I needed and made sure I received it in my own personal love language of writing. Perfect timing on a perfect day. Wait ’til November! I am so grateful I did.
Thankful in loss and transition…thankful in being blessed. Grateful when content with little and grateful when being honored with much. Gratitude restores the soul in a timeless, personal way. It even heals grief.
I was grateful for the day when I drove my blue Forester off the lot and began to bond with her. I was grateful as I continued to learn about the Pleiades or Subaru and discovered they are known as blue stars. They are called the stars of November as that is when they rise and are first clearly seen. They speak of having vision for this time in my life. Their name also means “one who gathers.” I researched the names of the “seven sisters” stars of Subaru. I chose Alcyone, the brightest one, for my new blue friend and will call her “Alcy” for short. It is such a pleasure to travel with her. I feel safe. I feel special. I feel inspired. I shine like the stars.
I had the opportunity to speak a blessing over Kitty Van Bortel and also to Ben. My journey in time had brought me to a significant upgrade in my own self-worth. This God who fathers me and loves me so much was showing me how to love myself.
I found myself standing in a place of convergence. Things had lined up and a place inside of me was stretching and enlarging in this experience. Vulnerability was giving way to blessing. The Lord of the starfields was revealing himself to me in yet another remarkable way. The provision of a fresh vehicle symbolized a new way to live and move and have my being. I was moving from “Confidence in motion” to being “a visionary who gathers.”
Thanksgiving and gratitude are this new way. They cover me and lead me in a lifestyle of health in my soul. Yes, each year at this time, November comes around. As the days grow shorter and darker, it is a natural time to embark on a journey of reflection, a bit of introspection and assessment of my life path. But darkness is not neccesarily a bad thing. As I look up at the stars in the night sky, I am so grateful for He who makes me to shine with confidence in motion and vision to gather like Alcyone, my new star friend.
Thank-you, dear Papa. Thank-you.
