Categories
Musing About Life

Living in the In-Between

As I sit here today looking out on a gray Sunday afternoon, things look plain, fatigued, not-yet and in-between. Uncovered by snow, the naked grass is not a true green. The month of March is one of those phenomena of classic in-betweenness. The early days are still considered winter, yet the mid-month days are morphing into spring that is not yet here. A true time of transition, things are not what they were, but not yet what they shall become.

Our lives can be like that. Sometimes the lines are gray and unclear where the seams of one life season comes to an end and we sense another approaching. We feel plain, fatigued, not-yet and in -between. We know we are not the person we were in so many other passing seasons but we do not know yet who we are and shall be in the coming days and long nights of our lives.

So what can we learn from nature in these seasons we seem to share? I watch her humility as she lies fallow, not dressing up with any pretense or trying to make something happen prematurely. She rests in a secret. I stop for a moment. I hear an invitation to observe, to listen. She has learned there are times of hiddenness, plainness and then there are seasons of manifestation, of things appearing when it is their due, appointed time. It seems this simple wisdom is inherently in her, sown there by her Creator.

This gray day of March is a good teacher. My husband, my friends and I are becoming older. Our souls are rich vintage, yet young, and our bodies are aging. We have journeyed through many lovely seasons and a hefty share of hurts through life’s losses and griefs, expected and unexpected. We may feel gray, plain, fatigued, not-yet and in-between. We are lying fallow, having had a past season of productivity but not knowing what is coming next. We are not what we were but neither are we what we shall be.

And so I study nature. And while I do, I hear yet another invitation to just be, in stillness. Words are coming, rising up from a deep place to my inward listener. They are strangely familiar. Something in me knows them in silent surety. ” You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways… You formed my inward parts, my frame was not hidden from You when I was made in secret…and in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. How precious are your thoughts to me…”

And I realize I can rest in the shared secret that the gray day in March and I have had sown into us from our Creator. I will join nature in restful humility and wait… for the days that have been fashioned for me have already been written. They are in hiddenness, but are coming soon to be released into a time of manifestation. As surely as the past has come and was fulfilled, the present future is about to be.

In-betweenness is a resting time, a re-calibrating time, a covering time, a humble time. I will embrace it in the grayness. I will learn its secret … and trust, and wait.

Categories
Musing About Life

My Inner Forests Are Stripped Bare

Sometimes a major change or formative event in your life can drastically change the landscape of your soul and inner life. Things that used to be are no more. You find that you are not what you once were but not yet what you are to become. Even in that formless and unsure gestational identity time, navigation from another realm can whisper the truth of who you are to your wondering heart. What happens then may be unprecedented as you watch what seemed dark and void erupt into a surprise discovery and overwhelming outpouring of praise!

autumn autumn leaves branch bright
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

“The voice of the Lord makes the deer give birth, and strips the forest bare; And in His temple everyone says, ‘Glory!’ ” (Psalm 29:1-11)

And the forests within me have been stripped bare.

Thick, lush life as I have known, is hidden.

But within my frame, carried about by my bones

is his temple, where He is pleased to dwell.

And inside that temple, all wait on tiptoe, straining…

Anticipating something never before in existence

to emerge.

And from a deep place, a sound is heard, rising up

bringing illumination in its train.

Everyone begins to whisper “glory…” and movement escalates,

accelerating.

My heart says, “glory!” My brain says “glory!” My bones say “glory!”

Every joint, great and small says, “glory!”

Blood vessels, vital organs, systems, muscles,

tendons, blood, lymph, … all say “glory!”

And my soul joins in to what it is hearing

resounding throughout the temple,

while my spirit, mixed with His

in a satisfied, eternal knowing,

ever so slowly, with deeply etched ancient face creases,

smiles.

This was penned by the author following a major surgery season in her life where introspection of soul was experienced. Perceived inner scatteredness and brokenness led to breakthrough when God’s Spirit came gently into her personal space in a very unprecedented way. Significant change happened. This was one of the first times she wrote, unhindered, in her time of recovery.

Categories
Musing About Life

Undefined / All Things Made New

Reflections in the immediate post-operative time after having received a hip replacement joint into my body

bokeh
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

And I sit…

where there are no definitions.

The borders of who I have been in everyday living

have been put away.

This new part of my body

is yielding to my skeleton

and my bones are cleaving to it

in mutual introduction.

What is expected in dailiness is not yet formed.

And so I sit

where something never before existing

is being formed and fused and held together

by the word of his power.

… While I wait in surrender

and yield to the new thing,

bidding it welcome

into the space

undefined.

Categories
Musing About Life

Grateful Heart :

Reflections on a covid Encounter

This is the first time I have written in about one and one-half months. It seems like forever and is a story in progress…

Hello everyone. You haven’t heard from me in a while as my energy has been in high demand elsewhere. I experienced firsthand a mid-air collision with a certain virus that is making its rounds lately in my part of life’s community.

In my close encounter with covid over the past month, I am learning and appreciating so many simple things and have embraced even more treasures of life than ever before.

Here are some of them:

(1) Our bodies are magnificent creations that are wonderfully and fearfully made, equipped with tremendous immune systems made in the image of their Creator. There is so much power in blessing them and thanking them for their service to us. I will never take mine for granted again…not that I ever really did. Let’s just say I have such a deepened appreciation for the amazing temple I live in.

(2) The energy level that it takes to live moment to moment with fuel that is burning without our awareness. When our bodies are fighting an intruder, often there is nothing left to do other things like call, text, write, think, not sleep. I am so very grateful for every bit of replenished energy with which to live and love and have my being.

(3) The power of love and prayer from dear family and friends on my behalf. I could feel it in palpable ways. strength went into me and continues to do so. Do not ever underestimate the power that comes through you to others when loving and standing on their behalf.

(4) Truly, it is God’s breath in my lungs.

(5) My Papa in Heaven loves me fiercely and knows my love language and how to communicate with me in intentional and specific ways. On one of my roughest nights with fevers, coughing, vomiting and pain, I had a dream that interrupted the accompanying weariness and numbness of soul with a deep undergirding encouragement…literally, courage put back into me in a very tangible, specific and targeted way.

In my dream, my earthly Dad who was 85 years old when he died, was suddenly standing at my right hand, appearing to be about 50 years old and lively. His smile penetrated deep to the inside of me and actually felt like an infusion of life and light. He was wearing a two-piece crimson red jogging outfit. With a twinkle in his eye, he exclaimed but one sentence to me, “I’ve been working out!”

Now, I had never know my Dad to work out and quickly realized this was a message designed for me at this crucial time. Dreams are usually about the dreamer and symbolic. I woke up with a smile, a tear rolling down my cheek and an inner knowing, “this was you, God, wasn’t it?”

God had used my personal father figure to represent Himself. He was clothed in the crimson red color of Jesus’ blood which is all powerful for healing and restoration. His words were a message that He had been “working out all things on my behalf and for my good.” An inner knowing instructed me that this included healing that was in progress even if I could not feel it. This went to the core of my being as I slowly realized this is an actual scripture verse, (Romans 8:28.)

Later that day more encouragement came as I remembered more verses from many years ago. “I have set the Lord before me always. He is at my right hand. I won’t be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, my glory rejoices, even my flesh will dwell securely. You will make known to me the path of life. In you is fullness of joy…” (Psalms 16:8)

Power for living and power for healing in midst of this unprecedented weakness was being communicated to me. My heart being grateful is an understatement. Learning to be patient with myself has become wisdom in everyday life, just like deep breaths, sitting outside in the sun and walks at sunset.

Oh yes, … and just like having the creative energy to write once again. Thank-you so much for listening to my journey. God bless you.

Categories
Musing About Life

Entry Point

There is a secret world that I think about and picture all year long. Each summer, my husband and I travel to the ADK mountains where we camp and kayak into a wild, wonderful world of rare delights and treasures. It is a place where my soul is restored and my imagination is inspired, my life re-fired. My blue kayak is my entry point. Come along.

My blue kayak is my entry point

my path into

the world of the Adirondack waterway.

She knows well the trek

far beyond the realm

of human rule

where dragonflies greet

and guide

to a place beyond the veil

of the wondrous.

As we move across the surface

of a tannic acid underwater kingdom,

I trust that

we will reach our destination

in the land of

loons, herons, fish, ducks, eagles, turtles, waterlillies

and creatures I’ve yet to meet.

Time is measured by paddling

and discovery

and moments of still magnificence

that etch on the camera

inside my memory’s imagination.

My blue kayak is my entrypoint

my path into

the world of the Adirondack waterway.

She knows well the way.

Categories
Musing About Life

Into the Now of My Knowing

Summer offers spontaneous surrealistic moments as gifts to us. Ready or not, they come. Having a heart to pause and take them in is a precious gift as well. Writing about them is my attempt to capture the encounter in time and share with other souls. Today I add this serendipitous event to my treasure trove of memories. Please enjoy.

Like a dream he appears,

my hummingbird friend

sent from another dimension

into the now of my knowing.

Of all summer’s gifts

he is most precious and tender

partaking of the nectar

I made and placed there, in hope.

Meek power suspended in air

heralds inspiration

deep unto deep a promise imparted

there will always be summer returned.

Like a dream he appears

my hummingbird friend

sent from another dimension

into the now of my knowing.

Categories
Musing About Life

Fireworks

Here in the Northeast we await Summer like a dear friend returned for a lovely visit. The days linger longer and life takes it’s time to be enjoyed. The 4th of July jubilantly ushers in this wondrous time when we can be like children again and take in the delight of the sight, sound and glory of fireworks. As a girl, I remember hearing the last ones of the night in the distance as I clung to the final moments of imagining their launches into the sky. In this reflection, past, present and future all run together in a timeless parade of fireworks in the now. Come… and celebrate Summer with me !

Fireworks in the distance,

Fireworks in the night,

Their magic grows more wondrous

Even when they’re not in sight.

And Summer makes her entrance

Upon the gentle breeze

While fireflies bow down to her

And flit around her knees.

Fireworks.

Categories
Musing About Life

Every May I Remember

Being pregnant and carrying my first child was a life-altering discovery for me at the tender age of 23 years. I did not grow up dreaming to be someone’s mother. The journey took me to a place of revelation and transformation that would surprisingly cause me to grow into the person I was meant to be. It would overflow into caring for hundreds, perhaps over a thousand of other women discovering the power of their own life-bearing and birthing journeys. It has been an honor and it all started in the Spring of 1977. Every May, I remember.

Every May I remember the fragrant season of promise

When first I walked in a blooming time

Carrying a ripened load of life, amidst Spring’s bright horoscope.

I wondered how my future, our future, would morph and change

Even as my body cradled the life within

That quickened and leapt with such infinite possibilities.

The young woman in me embraced the new

Even as all of nature seemed to anticipate and reflect

The imminent emergence.

Oh firstborn son of my youth, my heart muses on it still

For when I birthed you, I too was birthed once again.

Every May I remember.

Christine O’Riley

Categories
Musing About Life

My New Favorite Time of the Day

Throughout my life, there have been different “favorite times” of the day that I can remember. Today as I arrive home from a day of caring for others, the gracious solitude of my home has become one of those “favorite times.”

My car knew where it was going and how to turn onto my long, dead-end residential street where our little house was waiting down at the end, on the verge of the cul-de-sac. The new snow glistened beneath the mid-afternoon sun as I just enjoyed the ride amidst sparkling light. A gentle wind welcomed me as I pulled into the driveway, alone and sitting for a few moments.

Solitude. The sound of the word used to seem lonely to me. Then a few years ago, a friend taught me what it means to be an introvert. “How do you re-charge when you are emptied out?” she asked. I answered that I like a quiet walk in the woods or just puttering around on a project by myself or sitting in my living room with the house quiet and afternoon sun streaming in through the front picture window. Add a cup of tea and that is perfection for me. “So you re-charge in solitude, then,” she observed. I realized and answered “yes” to which she responded, “then you are an introvert.”

So that makes sense on a day like today. In post-retirement, I am an RN in a lovely, private Family Medicine practice a few days a week. We have an old-fashioned way of giving our patents focussed attention and it is an honor to care for them with a team that is so authentic and kind. Sometimes on a Friday afternoon I get out a little early and meander home while there is still some afternoon remaining. Like today.

I feel like I have loved my patients and co-workers well. I feel fulfilled. I know I made a difference in some lives today. I am so grateful to have had the opportunity. Work is good. I take my stethoscope off and put it away until next week. I do the same with my name tag.

So now my home has received me in gracious solitude and I sit musing in the quiet afternoon. The sun is streaming through the living room picture window. I sip my tea and just be.

I look back on these last eight hours with peace. There is no music, no talking, no problem solving, just the chance to write…by myself and think that this… may just be my new favorite time of the day. Just maybe.

Thanks for listening.

Categories
Musing About Life

Thoughts on a Deathbed or Dying a Good Death

Wow. Such a title is not neccesarily morbid as our culture may think. At a recent “Pencraft” meeting, this was a topic I randomly chose to write about as we picked writing prompts to stretch us into unfamiliar creative territory. Plumbing the depths of our hearts can aid us in setting life goals about the lasting things that really matter. I have sat with, cared for, sung over loved ones, friends and patients as they have transitioned into life’s final journey. It has always been an honor to stand on that holy ground. Considering such a trek for myself and spontaneously writing about it was an adventure of the most unique and precious kind. As I finish this piece I am informed that someone I love is no longer living on the earth. I dedicate this to my dear friend Ruth, who completed her Heavenly journey in the approach of today’s wee hours. Love you forever, Ruth.

This is not how I thought it would be. But then again, I don’t know what I thought.

It was always the unknown, the un-know-able, the someday late in my future. But here we are, in the everlasting now.

What used to be so important in dailiness now seems so far away on the outside of this inner secret place I am in. It reminds me of the labor process I entered into so long ago to birth my children. Intuitively intimate and on the verge…

I am grateful to have kept short accounts, to have lived with issues resolved, relationships clear, as much as it has depended on me.

This is much simpler than I had imagined. Now, nothing else matters, except to have loved.

The parade of memories is passing before me, just like I have heard about. In it, I see my husband, my children, my friends, my parents gone before me, my seasons of life and yes… my Papa’s Fingerprints. Broken times with evidences of Your Presence, like lingering essence of supernatural highlighter on life’s trail.

I bid farewell to my body friend, thanking her for her service to me. “You have carried me around for so many years. You have been faithful and have done your best. Thank-you. I honor you. I bless you.”

And now the room is getting darker, yet…so much brighter. How can that be? A luminescence of otherness is turning up, like on a supernatural dimmer switch. my thoughts are of my children, my grandchildren. my heart calls out to them, “Walk with your God. Never give up. Here, take the baton from me.” Am I saying those words or just thinking them? The voice coming through me sounds so far away.

My hands feel cold. I watch one reach to my husband, the love of my life. The other reaches to my Abba, The Lover of my soul,…my essence.

Who will you be for me now, Abba? I can smell your scent coming closer. It moves toward me and is so familiar. I have known it in those secret places of life and loss and grief and surrender and love with you. And now I am surrounded by You and held by a Love more real than anything I have ever known.

You. Love, is all there is. I cannot help but reach toward You. I hear myself saying with assurance, “So this…is what it is like to die well. Papa…” and my outstretched arms fall.