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Musing About Life

Thoughts on a Deathbed or Dying a Good Death

Wow. Such a title is not neccesarily morbid as our culture may think. At a recent “Pencraft” meeting, this was a topic I randomly chose to write about as we picked writing prompts to stretch us into unfamiliar creative territory. Plumbing the depths of our hearts can aid us in setting life goals about the lasting things that really matter. I have sat with, cared for, sung over loved ones, friends and patients as they have transitioned into life’s final journey. It has always been an honor to stand on that holy ground. Considering such a trek for myself and spontaneously writing about it was an adventure of the most unique and precious kind. As I finish this piece I am informed that someone I love is no longer living on the earth. I dedicate this to my dear friend Ruth, who completed her Heavenly journey in the approach of today’s wee hours. Love you forever, Ruth.

This is not how I thought it would be. But then again, I don’t know what I thought.

It was always the unknown, the un-know-able, the someday late in my future. But here we are, in the everlasting now.

What used to be so important in dailiness now seems so far away on the outside of this inner secret place I am in. It reminds me of the labor process I entered into so long ago to birth my children. Intuitively intimate and on the verge…

I am grateful to have kept short accounts, to have lived with issues resolved, relationships clear, as much as it has depended on me.

This is much simpler than I had imagined. Now, nothing else matters, except to have loved.

The parade of memories is passing before me, just like I have heard about. In it, I see my husband, my children, my friends, my parents gone before me, my seasons of life and yes… my Papa’s Fingerprints. Broken times with evidences of Your Presence, like lingering essence of supernatural highlighter on life’s trail.

I bid farewell to my body friend, thanking her for her service to me. “You have carried me around for so many years. You have been faithful and have done your best. Thank-you. I honor you. I bless you.”

And now the room is getting darker, yet…so much brighter. How can that be? A luminescence of otherness is turning up, like on a supernatural dimmer switch. my thoughts are of my children, my grandchildren. my heart calls out to them, “Walk with your God. Never give up. Here, take the baton from me.” Am I saying those words or just thinking them? The voice coming through me sounds so far away.

My hands feel cold. I watch one reach to my husband, the love of my life. The other reaches to my Abba, The Lover of my soul,…my essence.

Who will you be for me now, Abba? I can smell your scent coming closer. It moves toward me and is so familiar. I have known it in those secret places of life and loss and grief and surrender and love with you. And now I am surrounded by You and held by a Love more real than anything I have ever known.

You. Love, is all there is. I cannot help but reach toward You. I hear myself saying with assurance, “So this…is what it is like to die well. Papa…” and my outstretched arms fall.